he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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