Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
