Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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