Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
