YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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