i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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