Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
