toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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