Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There r osticjed everywhere
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
