Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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