I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
