How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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