drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
