you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.