i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.