My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?