Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
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She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad