hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.