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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Midget sex pt 2 tonight

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm not a mortal combat character

  (410): View more from Maryland

  but my vagina is

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I swear she didn't look like that last week.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

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• (949): View more from California

  I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut

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• 

  These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  you win some, you lose some.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad

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