why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
