That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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