she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i permit you to call me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
