i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
