I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
