I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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