You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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