Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
