By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
