I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
