You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
