Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
