TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
