i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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