Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
