last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
