my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize