apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
