I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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