i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
