What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
