Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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