how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
