Just cropdusted the office
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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