Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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