dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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