What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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