Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
