is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
