You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
