Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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