apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
