I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
