I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
