I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize