OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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