Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
