I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
