New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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