Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
