I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
